This has been brewing in me for a few days and tonight, one of the most talented, funny, beautiful, gifted persons I know shared a very vulnerable story through a facebook post. I'll share the basics (and MY interpretation because I'm keeping it vague and I don't have the full story).
Another one of God's children has become a "none". My friend has been hurt by the church, and even more so has not felt God's spirit, voice, anything. nothing. just silence. And sometimes when the church can't get things right and God's silence spans too many years, we can't stand the abuse anymore. This friend shared the wound tonight. It is heartbreaking for many reasons.
And not to minimize anyone's story, but this experience is way too common that they've actually created a term called "Post Traumatic Church Syndrome" (it's also a book). I'm not too keen on the title after working with veterans, but honestly, the amount of hurt and pain can be equal.
So my title is about those that have left the church, those we consider the "nones", and those still attending this institution we call church- and we use the beautiful language: "i'm in need of a savior". It's beautiful because Jars of Clay pops in my head every time I think of that line. But it's not so beautiful because it's created an entire Christian culture where we guilt ourselves into belief, where shame manages our mask, and we create a culture of codependency.
We guilt ourselves and our children into belief when we hear not the story of Jesus Christ and his teachings- his greatest commandment to Love God & Love our neighbor as ourselves; but when we hear the "Roman road" or the "plan of salvation". We hear, see, sing, watch years and years of church history, philosophy, and theology unfold before our eyes. Wait, we don't. Instead, we hear a very narrow perspective, a reaction perhaps, layperson's terms to grace and sanctification and justification and all those big words. They are summed up in a sinner's prayer. God died for us because we were sinners. These words written to a church thousands of years ago, now held on by us. We need a savior. We are bad, bad people. And so we guilt ourselves into believing. Not many want to stay "evil" or go to hell.
But, we've been guilted into salvation and wake up the next day, week, year and we are still the same person we once were. We hide those parts of ourselves that desire things. We think only of the good and pure things, only heavenly things- Jesus things. We strive to be "like" someone, forgetting that our greatest teacher told us to love and not be anxious. Instead, we put on our masks and hide parts of ourselves from most of the world. We get pretty good at this, some of us are experts. But this mask is only a mask- our shame has consumed us completely. And we are left believing that we are still that sinner, still in need of a savior. We believe that something must be wrong with us. We try harder and we press on like Paul tells us. We don't ever give up and let that mask come off because then it would be like before. We are saved we tell ourselves. Saved, for God's sake! But shame has taken over our life.
And this culture of codependency... this is a huge word and even bigger topic and could and probably already is a book. But, for me, it's how it makes sense tonight. But, this culture of codependency tells us that if we aren't right with God, then we gotta fix things. We pray more, we study the Bible more, we go to church more, we trust in God more, and if we don't- then what will happen? I won't even go there. AND we don't stop at fixing ourselves. We want to fix others. And so when we so politely tell a friend that God spoke to me the other day and I just know I'm supposed to ask you about your.... let me help you. Or we run to the street corner to save somebody that doesn't want saving. It's a culture. It's not being evangelistic or missional. We have to fix things and save everyone for Jesus. What in the world would happen if it weren't for us?
Well, let me tell you. The Creator of the WORLD would keep things running. And the creator of all the children of God would continue to make all things new and would continue to call all the peoples of the Earth- children. Yes, I get it- the world is filled with chaos and evil and violence. (That's another post). For now, though, the world will keep going if we don't "fix" everything.
And so I say that I don't need a savior because I believe that before I was born that God was already within me. You can call it what you want-- "jesus in my heart", my divine spark, the holy spirit, my true self, my enlightenment, God. I was created perfectly to love God, love others, and love myself.
In order for ourselves to feel God again, for our churches and communities of faith to welcome back the "nones" and those wounded by the church; we must be willing to rethink how guilt, shame, and codependency can be recreated to grace, mercy, peace, compassion, and most of all: love.
