It keeps coming back to fear...
Every so often I read or preach or see something on the news that reminds me that fear paralyzes us to an extent that we are not capable of being our true selves as long as we continue to allow (i use passive voice-- or what i think is passive voice! on purpose here...) but we continue to allow fear to rule our lives. You may think...so what, this is a psychological issue... or emotions we have naturally. But it is not.
Fear is one of the most spiritual emotions we are blessed with. It is no longer a blessing when it begins to slowly paralyze our true self, our God-given self- not the self we think we should be or the self we've created to hide with. Now, let me back up a little bit.
I have two beautiful, wonderful children. And I was able to carry both my children to full-term. Both were quite large babies due to my, um, love of food and some genetics. So.. I was induced with both kids so they wouldn't hit the 40 week mark and come out 12 pounds. When a woman is induced in labor, there are many ways to "speed up" the labor, but most are given a medicine called Pitocin. For my first child, I was given pitocin slowly, then had my water broken, and then the doctor (being afraid that I'd labor for more than 24 hours and get an infection) increased my dosage quickly (side note- my labor took about 7 hours). My second labor seemed to progress without as much pitocin, but yet when both labors arrived at the transitional labor stages, I freaked out. I knew what to expect with my second baby and so refused my epidural until about 7 cm- which BTW- there is a reason they don't normally give them at that late stage! They don't work as well! (another side note- epidurals slow the labor progress--which is one reason to wait)
So, with my second child, I knew what to expect. I knew what the horrible contractions felt like and I was prepared. I can't say that I was doing anything right breathing through them, but they weren't as horrible as I remembered. Then... my little bundle of joy began the journey to birth, which is um... transitional labor. I'll spare you the details because this is not my point!! But, transitional labor is VERY different than the preceding contractions. The body is doing everything to get a child out and so I was no longer in the horrible pain that contractions have, but instead was in a horrible pressure. NO ONE tells you about the pressure. oh...you'll feel some pressure with the contractions at this point. But, dang it. IT IS THE WORST. There is no comparison to even contractions brought on by pitocin (which i obviously don't know the difference- but I've heard they are worse than natural!) Why oh why did I agree to drug myself to push this kid out? FEAR And why is this pressure so dang horrible? FEAR!!!
When women get to the stage of labor that is so painful, but yet so new, they/I begin/began to fear. I thought my insides were going to rip open and I would die. I feared the pain would get worse. I feared my nine and a half pound child would be too big. When I began to fear- the pain got way worse. I began to focus on my fears, instead of the job of laboring to bring a new life into the world. I gave up on my job because I was afraid. I went for the epidural to help me through. I had no complications and my son was perfect.
My point?
Our lives are so focused on what we fear that we could even categorize products that we buy and sell as "fear developing aids" or some better, actual clever title. Seriously, I had to buy a face mask for my 7 year old daughter last year so she could play softball. In my day, we just took one to the face of nose. Really though, how many 7 & 8 year old children throw or hit hard enough to warrant a face mask?
So, because I've spent more than half this post explaining my childbirth labor fear, I'd like to challenge us to do an inventory on our homes and lives. How many products do we own that are based in fear? Where do we draw the line between "caring for ourselves" and "fearing for the future". Here's an example: We have found that fluoride strengthens teeth. So, we brush with paste and gel that has fluoride in it. OR....we have heard that fluoride is toxic to our bodies and so we buy an alternative toothpaste and drink only filtered, bottled, special water without fluoride. Now, my autoimmune disease causes severe dry mouth, causing many of us quick tooth decay. I actually own a bottle of fluoride. I'm supposed to brush it on every night before bedtime to help protect my teeth from early decay-- most of us lose teeth in our 40's and 50's. Where do I draw the line to take care of myself without living in fear that I too, will lose my teeth if I don't use fluoride now? I know this seems like a silly question, but I believe this question is SO MUCH bigger than toothpaste.
What do you fear? How do your fears paralyze you? How do your fears prevent you from becoming your true self, the person God created and loves? And last one for today, how can we live "in Christ" but be fearful of most everything around us? One of the most common phrases we read from Jesus is: Do not be afraid! Do not fear! God even sent angels to remind us not to fear. So why do allow fear to rule our lives instead of the Creator of the Universe?
**A note** I don't write things like this a lot and so I have to put a disclaimer on here...that I am in no way immune to fear-even life-paralyzing fear. It is one reason why I am writing...to answer for myself. I've just invited some facebook friends that haven't blocked or unfriended me along. And...I hope to share more about my fears as I journey. Thanks for reading today and to my grammar friends- my apologies for breaking a few rules I don't remember learning.
